Universal Image Restructuring.

The world itself will be renamed from Earth to a more personable, Bamus. This will create the universal diversity that the current name lacks when dealing with other inhabitants of the universe. It will also let potential invaders know that we have a powerful and stern presence in the universe which should prevent mishaps as we have seen in many popular science fiction movies.

Date Calibration Directive.

The current dating standard shall be abandoned in order to instate and restart the year zero at the stated date of birth of Barack Obama, being August 4, 1961. Hence, we are now in the 48th Great Year of Obama. This will allow for proper recognition and respect for the new era. The old designations of B.C. and A.D. are still applicable (and now fully embraceable), however the new year zero is the divider. Some have suggested that "B.O." and "More B.O." should be used instead of B.C. and A.D.

Universal Holiday Directive

In order to establish a more universal and progressive holiday that is not offensive to anyone, any holiday that was formerly celebrated on December 25th, will now be known as "Obamas." The very divisive holiday that a small subset of society celebrated called "Christmas" will be made more universal, diverse, and inclusive by Obamas. It is a natural progression from the controversial Christmas being derived from "Christemasse." "Criste" is from Greek Christos and "masse" is from Latin missa (the holy mass). Now it will be simple and diverse with "Obama + mas" or "Obamas" and will be inclusive of all creatures of the world without judgment, sexist, racist, homophobic, and most importantly, religious references or implications of any nature. See document subsection 18443b, Enlightenment Education Camps, for full details regarding the offenses and penalties.

Time of Atonement.

Each day at exactly 7:24PM (local time) every individual shall stop their activity, kneel (or bow ONLY if unable to kneel), and give honor and thanksgiving to Obama. A simple saying such as, "Thank you great Obama for delivering us undeserving people." will suffice. If you are sleeping during the Time of Atonement, you shall make atonement as soon as you wake up before any other activity. See document subsection 18443b, Enlightenment Education Camps, for full details regarding the offenses and penalties.

The Friendly Listener Directive.

Everyone is required to report any unusual or questionable activity that is not fully supportive of Obama's orders or philosophy. People are rewarded with one hundred Obama Dollars for each verified report of a violation point. An example would be a child reporting a parent for questioning an Obama rule. The first offense would be worth one hundred dollars for each inference (no maximum) and both parents being worth 250% due to a bonus incentive program. See document subsection 18443b, Enlightenment Education Camps, for full details regarding the offenses and penalties.

The Good Neighbor Rule.

Each person who has been deemed to be "over sufficient" shall share their abundance with others. A complete check of personal finances via personal records and transactions will form the basis for categorization and subsequent transfer of wealth. For instance, if one has more than a single vehicle, the additional vehicle will be redistributed to another person who is in need. The original owner is still responsible to maintain the vehicle along with insurance and other requirements to ensure that one's neighbor is able to use the asset. Requests for reasonable vehicle upgrades such as 24" Dubs and/or high output surround sound systems by the neighbor shall be honored. See document subsection 18443b, Enlightenment Education Camps, for full details regarding the offenses and penalties.

Enlightenment Education Camps.

Local camps shall be constructed in each county or locally designated municipality to foster a more cohesive and peaceful society. Those individuals who are found to be requiring either education or assistance with generally accepted proper thought directives shall be required to complete a program in the camp until they are deemed fit for reintegration into society as a whole. Camps shall be constructed to mimic "supermax" style detention facilities with the addition of extensive psychiatric labs and crematoriums to ensure proper conditioning resources are available.

Freedom of Awareness Directive.

With many conflicting beliefs creating strife among peoples, a new order of a universal belief system shall be created to respect the value of the overall good of society over the selfish interest of the sole creature. Basically, this simply means that you will cease to follow any current belief system (religion) and embrace a new world government directed system that is focused upon the rule, order, and good of Obama instead of foolish endeavors or thoughts. See the usual subsection for penalties, etc.

Centralized Management Order.

Since political systems make universal cooperation difficult and unprogressive, a new system of worldwide management shall be instated. The top central manager is Obama which then will appoint individual country leaders, who will in turn appoint state leaders in order down to the smallest organizational unit all reporting up to Obama at the top of the order. This simplifies the political process and frees up personal time to enjoy "free" health care, renewable energy sources, mind calming herbs, and government approved entertainment. Progressive, but mandatory, thanksgiving to the one great leader shall be accomplished though participating in government selected and controlled employment activities.

Finished reading?

Now take a sigh of relief -- but only for a moment. Yes, it's an April Fool's joke, although, I am sure that there are many "progressives" that would not even bat an eye at this "joke."

COL (ret) "RJ" Reynolds, is a respected international contributing journalist for over 40 years while serving in the Air Force.  The views expressed by Mr. Reynolds are those of his own and are not necessarily those of The Mr. Chris Show, Inc.